If you feel depressed you may not be motivated to end your depression.
Depression can be a time to evaluate, “What makes sense in life?”
Many people attempt to use drugs as a substitute for solving relationship problems. Alcohol, nicotine and anti-depressants seem easier than solving emotional issues.
Consequences of Depression
If you feel depressed for more than a few days,
we recommend that you talk to a medical doctor
especially if you consider harming yourself or others.
Depression is part of life. Depression affects about 10% of the world population with about three million depressed men in England alone. We find that common causes of depression are not an economic crisis or financial recession so much as relationship problems and life without meaning.
If you have healthy relationships and a sense of purpose – an economic crisis or recession is just another problem to solve! If you feel anxiety about your family or worried about ageing, sex drive and thinning hair, it’s easy to blame a crisis or recession for limiting your enjoyment of life. Why not fix the real problem?
Depression can contribute to bedroom problems such as impotence (erectile dysfunction in men and frigidity in women). Depressed people can damage or destroy their partnerships and family harmony – increasing their depression.
Depression is also associated with food allergies, limiting beliefs, stress,codependence, addiction, living alone, relationship breakdown and relationship problems. There are solutions for each of these, once you know the real issues.
Depression is the inability to construct a future
Depression is a reminder that something is missing in your life,
Depression reduces the quality and sense of life, and often originates in the early family. Depression often starts as isolation, or in dependent, symbiotic or dysfunctional relationships. Relationship problems require relationship solutions (and drugs often seem to delay a search for solutions).
We find that depressed women are more likely to seek help, while depressed men of any age appear more likely to self-medicate with alcohol or nicotine, or obsessively distract themselves with television, pornography, internet surfing or gambling.
Does your life make sense? Can you enjoy …
You can prevent or remedy depression – or you can deal with its consequences. We help people build better relationships, plan their lives, exercise, enjoy sleep and benefit from healthy diets. People facing alcohol or drug addictions can also seek drug treatment and recovery programs.
Depression & Drugs
The sale of anti-depressants is a multi-billion dollar industry. Although the most common anti-depressants may be alcohol and nicotine, trying to manage depression with addictive prescription drugs may have consequences worse than depression. Many prescription anti-depressants are addictive with unpleasant side effects.
The more expensive anti-depressant drugs are SSRI – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Zoloft, Prozac or Paxil, which increase serotonin in the brain. Many older and cheaper anti-depressants include MAOI or MonoAmine Oxidase Inhibitors, with worse side effects.
Symptoms of Depression
People who feel depressed often describe unpleasant moods, thoughts and self-image. They may have difficulty making decisions – day-to-day tasks may seem overwhelming. Check these symptoms …
- Preoccupied with death or suicide
- Insomnia and/or major sleep changes
- Appetite and/or major weight changes
- Decreased energy, fatigue – always tired
- Little interest in romance or sexual activity
- Feeling hopeless, helpless or pessimistic
- Feeling guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
- Loss of interest or pleasure in work or profession
- Little pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed
- Sadness, anxiety, emptiness, restless and irritable
Depression, Disease & Guilt
Depression seems to be a normal response to unhealthy relationships. People at higher risk of depression include those suffering from codependence or mental illness. The most common issues underlying depression seem to be guilt and shame, especially if you:
- abused, traumatized or hurt someone
- were abused by someone but you blame yourself
- blame yourself for some misfortune to yourself or to others
- betrayed or abandoned someone important (e.g. abandoning a child)
Managing Guilt & Shame
People who try to withhold emotions will sooner or later express them; either as body symptoms or as relationship events. Depression often seems to result from withholding guilt and may reflect regret for abuse, abandonment, betrayal, etc. Depression may also result from parental alienation or emotional incest.
Some adult children do not allow themselves to be happier than their parents (common in families with family secrets).
You asked me if it was OK for me to be happier than my mother.
I realized that whenever I feel happy, I do stupid things to upset my
husband. Then I don’t feel so guilty about my mother’s depression.
Guilt and shame can be experienced as depression, and chronic relationship problems and nervous breakdown. Long-term solutions seem to require that people who have hurt others clarify and balance this hurt, and that they solve any relationship problems (see emotional maturity.) People facing alcoholism or drug addiction can seek a rehab center to gain sobriety and overcome these addictions.
Many people seem to try to control guilt and depression with distractions (e.g. TV, sex, gambling, etc), medications (including nicotine, alcohol and caffeine) and dissociation(withdrawal, self-hypnosis and meditation). Such control is usually short-term.
Solutions for Depression: Wisdom & Integrity
Intelligent people may feel depressed if they cannot find solutions for problems or trends that less intelligent people do not notice. (Also, sensitive people may feel depressed by incidents that less sensitive people don’t consider important.)